Let your hair down

Ever since we get married, things are in a rush and happen way too fast to be taken a hold off.There is a new family, parents , a job (or a lack of it), friends ,so on and so forth. The plate is already full and if you add a BABY to this with a life away from home, life becomes edgy and grim and lonely.

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who whine and rant about how they have forgotten to take care of themselves and how life has become a vicious cycle of Poo-Poo and Pee-Pee and guilt trips. So if that is a problem there must be a solution to it, right?

I have been there and have experienced this up and close. So while I was at it I wrote myself a few quick fixes and tried to plan a bit for myself. I am still to fix the whole rationale  but I know I will be fine.

  1. Take Charge, Be in Control. Cribbing and complaining lends you a moment of peace but it is temporary. Try to do something for yourself because if you won’t no one will.Like, learn to drive. Till you do that, keep google maps handy and try to explore your neck of woods on foot and the city on bus/taxi.(Babies and toddlers like outings too)
  1. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. If you are distressed or upset , tell your confidant/confidante about it. Say your heart out. Talking and discussing problems always tone down the swamped emotions and help you lighten up.
  1. Ask for Help: If you think you are doing too much of household or any chore for that matter, ask for help. It would not come by itself, trust me. Men aren’t wired to read our minds, we are. So tell them when you need it.
  1. Develop a hobby. It can be anything you are or ever were passionate about. You can  read books, paint, do some DIY projects. Or you can also learn new things over internet. A language, some skill, anything. When are you going to use apps like course era and duo lingo, eh?
  1. Be independent. Make plans for outings and shopping or whatever you like. Drive the whole initiative. Husbands just like to plonk their asses on the couch over the weekend. If you want to go out, it should not be at their mercy but at your will.
  1. Learn to relax. It is okay to leave house, people, relationships in a mess, for the moment. We just get one life. Do not waste it by over cleaning the house or taking down every damn stain in that favorite onesie of the baby and neither by pleasing everybody that you know of. Expecting everything to be honky-dory always is a mistaken belief. Happiness takes turns ergo cheer up when it is yours.
  1. Invest in your appearance. If you look good , you definitely feel better. Buy flattering clothes, dresses, accessories or whatever that brightens you up. Get a new hair do.Try gyming , walking, hiking, yoga anything to burn that pent up energy, plus you loose inches.
  1.  Playlist of disposition. Start your day with the most hip track that u know of. It gives you a jump start. Make a good playlist for every mood and occasion.
  1. Socialize. Expand your friend circle. Make friends with varying zest and zeal. Somebody who is a fun to be around to a friend who babysits to a friend who is a great help, you know ,what I mean? Just stay away from people who are full of melancholy.
  1. Trust. Let your husband take care of the baby. It is okay. Both of them will be fine (or at least, I would like to believe so). The world won’t turn upside down if things do not happen the way you want them to. Deal with it afterwards but first enjoy the time while you are away getting a pedicure or gutting a drink or two.
  1. Satisfaction.Human being aren’t supposed to feel satisfied about their lives and we shouldn’t be because this is how the evolution works. We are always chasing one thing after another. There is always going to be a better figure, a better car , a better home, a better job, a better life . There is no end to it. So it is okay to feel low at times.It helps you to review and revise your goals and plans.
  1. Your happiness matters. When you get married or have babies, the ultimate aim is HAPPINESS. If you are not happy, nobody in the family is. It is a collective responsibility to make you happy. Do not take your happiness lightly and sacrifice everything that YOU desire in the way to achieve family goals.
  1. Schedule.Make a time table for your whole week ahead and do things even just for heck of it. It takes time to break the monotony therefore work for the target. It is of paramount importance that you stick to a healthy routine and be consistent with it.

This list looked whimsical back then but it panned out.

The phase we are in right now is a transition-upheaval from a carefree-independent girl to a Know-it-all-responsible-dutiful woman. And, transitions, like we know are messy, scary and life shaking. But we will get through it , together, on day at a time.

We are far-far away from our homes  and if we can’t even be happy, what is the point of this whole strive? Remember, We are our best friend, not our husband/mommy. We know our worth, we know who we are. So, get a grip of yourself my darlings because It is always going to be our choice to hide in shadows or stand in sun.

A very dear friend once shared a poem which always makes more sense than the last time I read it.

For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse.
So collapse.
This is not your destruction.
This is your birth. ”         

— N.T.



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